The Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker Halloween Gauntlet
The whole family gathers at the Dunphy house for the annual "Best Costume" vote. Gloria wins (as always) because she looks like a supermodel in fangs. Jay is eating candy corn directly from the bowl, grimacing. Phil’s QR code costume accidentally scans and starts playing a Nicki Minaj song at full volume.
(stone-faced, dressed as a tiny, terrifying lawyer): "Because the neighbor’s dog bit my candy bucket last year. I’m serving him papers."
"Tell that to the dog, Uncle Cam."
(wearing a "Ghost of Future Technology" costume—i.e., a cardboard box covered in blinking LEDs and a smashed iPhone 6 around his neck): "Claire, relax. The theme is Sustainable Scares . The kids aren't just getting cavities; they're getting an education on e-waste."