By Dthrip The first time I noticed it, I was buttering toast. The butter was too cold. The knife caught a crumb. The crumb fell onto the linoleum. I stared at that crumb for seventeen seconds. Not because I was counting. But because something behind my eyes had begun to count everything.
Yesterday, I rearranged the salt and pepper shakers on my kitchen table forty-three times. Not consecutively. Throughout the day. I would walk past, see that the pepper was on the left, and feel a small, exquisite violence in my chest. So I'd swap them. Then, ten minutes later, the salt would look wrong on the right. Swap again. By the sixth swap, I wasn't sure which arrangement I actually wanted. By the twelfth, I realized: there is no correct arrangement. The Hum knows this. It is not trying to help me find order. It is trying to exhaust me into a scream. a kind of madness dthrip
So here I am, writing this on the back of a grocery receipt, because the Hum doesn't like the sound of keyboard clicks— too many variables, too many possible patterns . I am not asking for help. Help would require explaining that the problem isn't the shakers, or the rug, or the crumb from this morning (which I finally swept up, then put back, then swept again, just to feel the relief of a decision, even a wrong one). By Dthrip The first time I noticed it, I was buttering toast
And then I'll start again.
The real madness—the kind no one writes pamphlets about—is that I am aware of the absurdity. I can stand there, two shakers in my hands, and say aloud: "This is pointless. No one is coming to dinner. The universe does not care if the pepper is west of the salt." And the Hum replies: West is a human construct. But you did just use it. Interesting. Now check the rug. The crumb fell onto the linoleum